Okay...pride is one of my weaknesses. Not the pride that you have in a job well done or your kids, but the kind that makes you do and think stupid stuff. You know the "I Love Lucy" version where she does something to "show them," and then falls into an array of odd behavior? Why am I talking about this? This has been a busy and rough week. Actually, I've done relatively well....as long as I have ignored what is coming tomorrow. My daughter and I have been in Provo for the week getting her set up for college- all the ID's, job info, housing info, etc. At this point, I have less than 30 hours with her. Then I leave, and she is 1500 miles away from home. In the recent past I have mentioned to others that this is going to be so hard, or that it is currently hard. I'm just stating something, but suddenly everyone rushes in to console or give advice. Enter the monster named PRIDE! I hate that. I have never liked having the appearance of being weak, incapable, dumb, falling apart, being a baby, and the list goes on. In my mind, all I'm doing is saying out loud how I feel. I know I'm fine. I know she'll be fine (or whatever the situation is at the time). Call it "venting." I know that they are interpreting it differently and just trying to help, but my pride always seems to step in, and I find myself irritated. I find myself yelling in my head (or out loud at the computer screen), "Aaaaah! I'm not a baby. They think I need them to hold my hand." Stupid, I know!
I have learned something, though. I have noticed where I do the same thing sometimes. I have started trying to pay attention to the person and their comments more. I'm not perfect, mind you; this is a new thing I'm working on. Paying attention, not just speaking and turning into Counselor Sonja, has allowed me to see if the person wants or needs that type of "comfort." I have also begun to empathize more rather than try to fix it. Relating to them has allowed them to be okay with feeling whatever and share, which is far more therapeutic than being told it will be fine while your heart is in the middle of the ache. Let me feel the ache. It is supposed to be there. Recognize that the ache doesn't mean I'm falling apart or need advice. On my part, recognize that they are just doing it out of love. Let them be loving and compassionate.
Fast forward to any future comments I may make.... I will try to be more understanding and patient with the "consolation" comments. Hopefully, others will try to "console" me less. See... there's that PRIDE thing again. I told you I wasn't perfect at it. (Please don't tell me not to worry, and I will get better at it.)
I have learned something, though. I have noticed where I do the same thing sometimes. I have started trying to pay attention to the person and their comments more. I'm not perfect, mind you; this is a new thing I'm working on. Paying attention, not just speaking and turning into Counselor Sonja, has allowed me to see if the person wants or needs that type of "comfort." I have also begun to empathize more rather than try to fix it. Relating to them has allowed them to be okay with feeling whatever and share, which is far more therapeutic than being told it will be fine while your heart is in the middle of the ache. Let me feel the ache. It is supposed to be there. Recognize that the ache doesn't mean I'm falling apart or need advice. On my part, recognize that they are just doing it out of love. Let them be loving and compassionate.
Fast forward to any future comments I may make.... I will try to be more understanding and patient with the "consolation" comments. Hopefully, others will try to "console" me less. See... there's that PRIDE thing again. I told you I wasn't perfect at it. (Please don't tell me not to worry, and I will get better at it.)
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